WIC program– Making it Work for You

How does the government seek to support the Destitute and Obscure?  Well, I signed my lil’ ol’ self up for the WIC (that would be Women, Infants and Children) program, with all my documentation in tow—sonograms, blood tests, power bill, passports, proof of (lack) of income and first-born child.

As a WIC participant, both my child and I receive checks that I can use at the local Safeway to buy certain wholesome foods.  At least that is the general idea. In practice, however, the selection options aren’t that good.  I get $17 total for the two of us to buy produce, and I buy organic, so that gets me a red pepper, an avocado and about two separate weeks worth of bananas.  We eat A LOT more produce than that.  The only other option I have to buy organic is tofu, which I do, and we get two blocks per month, which takes care of two meals for my family.  I have options to buy juice, bread, lots of cereal, dry beans or lentils, peanut butter, canned fish, milk and eggs.  And one block of cheese per month.  None of these options can be organic, which translates to the following:  bread made with high-fructose corn syrup (um, really?!  In bread?) cereal that can contain high amounts of sugar, dried beans that are too time-consuming for me to use (okay, that’s pretty much my own thing) peanut butter that will contain sugar and/or high fructose corn syrup unless I get the ‘natural’ variety, which I do, and dairy that is loaded with hormones, antibiotics and heaven only knows what else.  The juice is sugar regardless, so sometimes I buy it and sometimes not, but they allow for the two of us to get up to six 32 ounce bottles of it.

So, in this review of items, the WIC program seems to be pro-sugar and supportive of lots of processed cereal.  The inability to buy organic dairy is what irritates me the most, considering California’s Senator Diane Feinstien has introduced legislation that would ban the use of subtherapeutic (and already intensive) use of antibiotics in the dairy, egg and meat industry.  It seems that a state-run program should follow support this legislation, but no.  It’s the politicians (at the state, not national level) who make the rules (not the mothers, children or WIC nutritionists) about what I can or cannot buy with these checks.  It seems like a great idea—to offer low-income moms and kids free food— and for some, it may improve their nutrition and the ability to provide for their families, but it doesn’t go the extra mile.  Maybe more like an extra inch or two.

Here’s how the savvy Ms. D maneuvers these obstacles and stays on track with her highfalutin nutritional ideals:

• I don’t get the eggs, bread or milk… oh well.
• Since I can’t get organic cheese, I buy Tillamook, which is rBGH (recumbent bovine growth hormone) free and uses vegetable rennet.  This takes most of the hormones out of my cheese, and it’s yummy… and I wish I was allowed to get more.
• I get canned salmon and make salmonloaf with it—yummy and cheap.  Recipe to follow.
• I buy Cheerios (the plain kind) and while they aren’t as good as the Whole Foods brand, both my kid and I eat them—with organic milk bought somewhere else.
• I buy the ‘natural’ peanut butter—Adams, and Laura Scudders both make a version I can purchase.
• I buy the frozen orange juice and have it when I need it.
• I use my produce check mostly on bananas, which I realize aren’t particularly environmentally sound, but they aren’t local regardless of where I shop.  The organic produce at my Safeway is a bit sub-par and never local.

It may save us a little bit of money, maybe $20 a month, which is something, but when I factor in the fact that I have to drive 20 minutes to the WIC office and spend a couple hours of my time per month to save the money, I begin to wonder if it’s really worth it.  The hours spent at the local WIC office aren’t just waiting for the slow, overburdened grind of a government agency to process my checks.  In addition to showing proof of my pregnancy (do think I swallowed a basketball?) and my health, I have to attend short classes about baby care.  Perhaps I am being a bit snobbish, but um, I know what it means when a baby cries.  I know how to breastfeed.  I’ve done my own research, I read at least 50% of what’s been written on the subject by experts and non-experts alike and not least of all worth noting— I’ve done this baby-thing before.  I already have a child.  But I suppose they have to cover every possible range of informed or uninformed mom, and I try my best to check my attitude at the door.  I try, really, but I pride myself on being well-read, and I don’t like to be herded into the shallow end of the informed.

The WIC program, like any other government-sponsored program does the best it can with the funding it’s got—which is never much—and progresses at the snail-pace of legislation.  It’s come a long way over the years, but it’s still woefully behind in terms of nutrition.  With all the recent journalism  and research about processed food and nutrition moving at a dizzying pace, WIC is getting left in the dust.  I appreciate the help, believe me I do, but my first consideration is the health of my family and that of the environment, second being saving a few bucks.  I’ll save another way, not at the expense of our long-term health.

My Grandma’s Salmonloaf

I don’t know if my dear grandmother made this recipe up, or whether it comes from one of those curious 1950’s cookbooks, or even further back to the war-time cookbooks with all the meat alternatives.  In any case, it was passed down to my mother, and she taught me how to make it once I had a family of my own.  It’s cheap and easy, delicious and nutritious, and like meatloaf, you can put it in a sandwich the next day for lunch.  You can garnish it with a bit of lemon juice, but we use ketchup or tartar sauce in my house. 

1 15 oz. can of salmon (usually pink or sockeye; it’s better than the red salmon)
1 sleeve Saltine crackers (watch out for Nabisco brand—they contain high fructose corn syrup.  Why, I’m not quite sure.)
milk
1 egg

Start with the fun part: smash the Saltines in a plastic bag.  Smash ‘em to smithereens—nice pea-sized crumbs, not dust.  Open the can of salmon, pour the liquid into a measuring cup and set aside.  Then move on to the nitty-gritty part, which is dumping the contents of the can of salmon into a bowl and going through and meticulously removing all the skin and most of the big bones.  Messy work, but it all the skin and bones down the garbage disposal.  It’s okay to leave a few of the little bones, as they’re already cooked down and they’ll cook down even further when you put it together and bake it.  Plus, you get a bit of added calcium.  My mother nibbles on them while she prepares the recipe, but I’m not quite that bold.  Now, with cleaned hands, add just enough milk to your reserved salmon juice to make ½ cup of liquid.  Note: any milk substitute will work here if you don’t do cow’s milk.  Add the egg to the liquid and mix it all up, then add to the salmon.  I mix it with my hands, because I’ve already gooped them up once, so why not do it again?  When the liquid and the salmon are mixed together evenly, and all the fish chunks are broken up, add the crushed crackers and mix those in—again, I use my hands.
Press the whole mixture to a greased (I use olive oil) loaf pan and bake at 350 degrees for about 20 minutes, or until the top is vaguely browned.

Books to Live By– Part deux

The following is a part deux of a short, but ever-growing list of books that Ms. D feels belong on the shelves of Destitute and Obscure homes all over the world.  They are practical, savvy little tomes to use as a reference for life.  As before, feel free to make suggestions for making this list longer and more diverse.  All links here should take you to Powell’s Books in Portland– a one-of-a-kind, definitely NOT Amazon used and new bookstore worth supporting if you order online.  Otherwise, please go to your local, lovable INDEPENDENT bookstore to fondle or order your own copies.

The New Frugality: How to Consume Less, Save More, and Live Better by Chris Farrell
This book is written by an expert, and it’s completely readable.  Chris Farrell is the Economics editor for NPR’s Marketplace Money, so he has a clue about money, and more than a few about life.  In the book, he explains the merits of different forms of investment, from all the reasons why an employer-sponsored 401k continues to be a good idea, and how exactly to start saving for your child’s college education— itself a priceless investment.  Best of all, it’s written in plain English (the language I speak) and has those nifty little sidebars with bulleted lists and resources.  It really couldn’t be easier to understand, whether your Destitute and Obscure or otherwise.  One of his best examples of ‘the new frugality’ would be to invest in a high-end, well-equipped bicycle and ditch the car (especially the second car).  While a grand or more may seem extravagant for a bicycle, it’s not so much when you figure that you won’t have to put gas in it (aside from making sure you’ve eaten a healthy breakfast) give it an oil change, or worry about the mileage and its Kelly Blue Book value.   This book is a great how-to of living economically without all the mind-numbing jargon of your Economics class.

Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life by Barbara Kingsolver, Steven L. Hopp and Camille Kingsolver
This is a lovely family story of the ‘eating locally’ movement, aka ‘grow your own’.  It should also be noted that the Kingsolver/Hopp family did all this on a fairly large plot of land in a part of the country that receives rain during the summer.  It’s lovely to read about but not entirely do-able for everyone.  And for the most part, they’re not expecting you to be almost-pro farmers, either.  The suggestions for eating locally and seasonally (which you can do, thanks to your local farmer’s markets) are wonderful, and accompanied by simple menus as well.  I highly recommend, if circumstances allow, listening to this book, since Ms. Barbara reads it herself in her lovely, soft-spoken and ever-so-slightly lilting southern voice.  The book is not only informative and directive, but a wonderful story, too.  Absorb whichever layers suit you best.

Thrifty: Living the Frugal Life with Style by Marjorie Harris
What I love about this book, besides the huge amount of helpful tips and details, is that it’s handy and stylish.  What could be more Lifestyles of the Destitute and Obscure?  And furthermore, she redefines ‘thrifty’, condemned the idea that it be synonymous with ‘cheap’—a word that makes me cringe.  “Being thrifty requires a brain; being cheap doesn’t,” says Harris.  My thoughts exactly, thank you.  She has all kinds of amazing ideas she has gathered, as well as lots of thoughtful insights from her friends, about being thrifty at home, while travelling, and in fashion as well.  Originally a writer of gardening columns, Harris also has a ton of recommendations for gardening and cooking, too, including a book entitled Thrifty Gardening: From the Ground Up.  She advocates my all-time favorite must-do tip for grocery shopping and cooking—shop with a list (for heaven’s sake!).  And her idea of having dinner guests is right up my alley, too.  “My theory about entertaining is that if you have one lovely thing to eat, masses of candles, enough wine and great company, you can’t help having a spectacular time.”  Words to live by.

Food Rules: An Eater’s Manual by Michael Pollan with illustrations by Maira Kalman
I will read, with delicious pleasure, anything that Michael Pollan writes.  And if it’s got pictures, then so much the better.  And pictures by Maira Kalman!  How can this handy little book be anything but a joy?  (She illustrated a great edition of Elements of Style, for which you will find a handy little review if you click on the highlighted title/linkage.)  This is a wonderful book to cruise through and live by, post snippets on your wall and steal from in order to make quick, witty Facebook posts, such as Rule #22— ‘It’s Not Food if It Arrived Through the Window of Your Car’ or one that most can’t help but love, Rule #52—‘Have a Glass of Wine with Dinner.’  Food Rules makes a great gift and a fun read-aloud while enjoying that glass of wine with dinner and entertaining friends (see Marjorie Harris’ recommendations above).  Maira Kalman’s pictures of food, including a Thomas Jefferson’s colander full of peas, make the reading even more delicious.

When company comes over– aka we live here

If you come over to our house to share a meal, you will be able to share what I planned for our family’s meal—not a fancy creation for which I scoured some elaborate entertaining cookbook.  If there’s more than one of ya’ll, you may be asked to bring a salad, bread, dessert or libations—we have two grocery stores near our house if you need to stop there.  My young child will sit at the table with us, because this is how one learns table manners and how to interact politely with strangers.  And if you stay long enough, you will be able to change your table manners and conversation after those young ears and absorbent mind go to bed.  You are more than welcome at my house, but we live here.
I might have vacuumed and I did make sure that everyone’s socks are out of the living room.  I probably folded the afghan and draped it over the back of the couch.  But I did not erase all signs of our life.  You will not see my living room photographed for House Beautiful.  I live in a rental apartment, so we will not be featured in Dwell for our chic and environmentally-friendly design concepts—though you may note that we use eco-friendly dish soap, because we will not stop you from helping with the dinner dishes if you insist.  You will also not have to worry about spilling your drink on the designer furniture or getting fingerprints on the fine artwork.  We live here, and as our guest, we expect you to settle in and act like you live here, too.
If the weather is nice, we may sit out on the balcony and enjoy watching the sunset over the city skyline, and then you may notice my husband’s bicycle—our ‘other car.’
If you need to use the bathroom, you will see what kind of toothpaste we use.  You can explore our books and see my husband’s entire record collection.  He’ll even take your requests if you see something there you’d like to hear. 
You can see that my desk is cluttered, much like my mind, but at least you know it’s being used.

We are not shy or embarrassed about our home, as we are not shy or embarrassed about ourselves.   This is who we are, and we live here.

Books to Live By… part une

The following is a short, but ever-growing list of books that Ms. D feels belong on the shelves of Destitute and Obscure homes all over the world.  They are practical, savvy little tomes to use as a reference for life.  Of course, Ms. D feels that a wide array of fiction, non-fiction, illustrated children’s books and large, glossy art books also belong in the home; library books should be scattered about as useful and ever-changing decor as well.  But I leave those selections up to your own taste and discernment.  Feel free to make suggestions to making this list longer and more diverse.  All links here should take you to Powell’s Books in Portland, Oregon– a one-of-a-kind, definitely NOT Amazon, used and new bookstore worth supporting if you order online.  Otherwise, please go to your local, lovable INDEPENDENT bookstore to fondle or order your own copies.  

Organic Housekeeping: In which the Nontoxic Avenger shows you how to improve your health and that of your family while you save time, money, and, perhaps, your sanity by Ellen Sandbeck
This is the best how-to housecleaning and organization book, um maybe EVER.  It sounds dull and exhaustive, but is entertaining as well as helpful, and does indeed cover everything as the lengthy subtitle suggests.  Sandbeck has done her research and applies it liberally throughout the book, giving you a whole new look at ‘clean’—the definition of which, (no) thanks to modern hyperactivity over bacteria and dirt is now more toxic than ever.  Good, old-fashioned vinegar and baking soda are her stand-bys and there’s nothing more cleansing than fresh air and sunshine, as your grandmother might say.  Sandbeck, as she notes in the beginning, did not write this book in order to make you commit your entire life to cleansing your home, but precisely so you could know how to do it quickly, efficiently and non-toxically so you can better do what you like to do best.  For her, it happens to be gardening, and she touches on a tidy and well-organized garden in this book as well.  She also happens to have a couple of gardening books out there, which are pretty nifty, too.

Elements of Style by William Strunk, Jr. and EB White, illustrated by Maira Kalman
This is the quintessential little grammar book.  It was originally compiled by EB White’s (of Charlotte’s Web and Stuart Little fame) English professor at Cornell, back in the beginning of the 20^th century and used in the teaching of his class.  But with a bit of White’s tinkering and now Kalman’s rich illustrations, it is a lovely bit of essential book with elements of many styles.  There are much tinier pocket-sized editions, too, but the illustrated one is fun—buy whichever suits your needs, funds and sense of whimsy.  Why a grammar book, you may wonder?  Because even if you are Destitute and Obscure, thou needest to speak and write correctly, lest thou endest up on the Maury Povich or Jerry Springer Shows.  When you send emails, thank-you notes and make phone calls to your in-laws, you really do need to use correct grammar and spelling. (I won’t mention the etiquette of texting—it is beyond etiquette in so many ways.)  Around these parts (aka our home) we may not have a lot of money, but we have plenty of love, grace, courtesy and manners—and those never, ever go out of style.  Really.

The Joy of Cooking by Irma Rombauer and Marion Rombauer Becker
This one, as they say, is a must-have.  Really and truly, it is the basic housekeeper’s/cook’s Elements of Style and Bible (or spiritual- guiding tome).  It is what my tamale pie recipe is based on, and it tells me how to go about making pie crusts (the pate brise recipe is great for quiches and savory pies, by the way) and muffins.  I highly recommend getting a 1960’s or 70’s edition if you can, (maybe ask Grandma to put it in her will for you) because I don’t believe in the microwave and somewhere in the 80’s they changed my family’s favorite Peanut Butter Cookie recipe—not a good idea.  While some of the canapé recipes may be out-of-date (though just wait, they’ll come back in style in a couple of years—it seems everything does eventually) The Joy of Cooking is an essential guide (and really, you don’t need dozens of cookbooks) to all things baking and cooking—it tells one why and how to do certain things and helps one trouble-shoot with nifty little pictures.

Stay tuned for the next installment of ‘Books to Live By’ and look for a new Books and Reading section when all is said, read, done and reviewed.  Do let me know of the trusty books you have in your household that help you through your Destitution and Obscurity.
Peace,
Ms. D

Thrifty home decorating with a splash of the unusual

After moving in, buying new beds, getting a few hand-me-down furniture items and trying to settle into our new apartment, the ship came in with the household possessions that had been in storage for the last three years.  And so, our new possessions met our old ones and thus blended into what is now known as our home.

The majority of what was in storage was the accumulation of years of hunting down fashion items when I had multiple jobs, no kids and thus, more disposable income—though still not much.  The household items are proof of the love and generosity of our family and friends who spoiled us with a deluge of beautiful, quality items at our wedding.  Take my silverware, for instance—a pattern chosen for it simple durability and sturdy in your hand.  It feels like a legacy when you eat with it. Or the fact that Wusthof knives and Le Creuset pots are only a part of my kitchen because they were gifts.

We combined a whole lotta bargain hunting and thriftiness with bits of minor splurge here and there.  I found a super fancy pink duvet and sheet set at a garage sale for $10, plus the expense to have it dry-cleaned. I splurged on the rug in the bathroom, because I can’t get a real, live cat yet, and because it’s just kind of quirky.  It would, however, be ridiculous and terribly uncreative if I chose (or could afford) to decorate my entire house with the uber-trends of Urban Outfitters.  I’m not too cool for school, just too old.
The couch and chairs were craigslist and estate sale finds, respectively, and miraculously look like a matched set.  We paid less than $150 for all three, thanks to a little wheeling and dealing and cold, hard cash.

The desk was my grandfather’s, and held in storage by my parents for a couple years.  It’s outfitted with a power strip and filing clip that my handy Grandpa put there for his convenience.  To honor that, the black and white photograph he took of my grandma (his wife of nearly 60 years) takes its customary place atop the attached bookshelf.
The enormous painting that graces an otherwise undecoratable wall is from yet another estate sale and cost us the bargain-basement price of $100.  It is an original artwork by a lesser known Mexican artist, Mario Joel, and while we couldn’t come up with anything when we Googled him, the painting adds a bright, unusual and slightly haunting element to the house.

It goes well with the smattering of New Zealand Maori artwork that hangs around the rest of the house.

While it is not common to find large, original artworks for such prices as the Mayan work here, fun and funky framed pictures are easy to come across at thrift stores and add a charming and quirky element to kitchens and bathrooms.

As further study in contrasts, our TV is an ultra-modern, high-tech version atop a bargain of mid-century Swedish design—a console with double sliding doors and just the right shade to blend in with the set of ‘Mad Men’.   My husband used his best craigslist ‘prowl and stalk’ techniques for this one.  He accidentally stumbled across the large blue-painted bookshelf that sits opposite the painting, but he was smart enough to snatch it up when he found it—just one of the reasons I married him.

Very little of our household furnishings are new, save the beds and the gifts, but I like it that way.  Everything has a history—well-known, like my grandparents’ desk and dining room table—or more mysterious like the Aztec/Mayan painting.  It is, however, recycling at its most basic and most necessary.  I may never own a brand-new couch, but it’s hard to argue with the fact that this one matches our chairs and is graced by a handmade afghan and a beaded Hawaiian tropic throw pillow.
Style is what you make it, and what you can afford, but most importantly it is what defines your home as belonging to you—even if you’re a renter.  Know what you like, know where to find it, and know when something finds you.  I love the way my house is decorated, because it cannot be replicated by anyone else, and it looks and feels like me and my family—aka, a home.

How to make Homemade Croutons

I have artisan baguette taste, but I’m on a Wonder Bread kind of budget.  This may be my current lot in life, and ‘waste not, want not’ are words to live by.  So I buy au bon pain—aka the good bread— because a healthy body is the ultimate life investment.  Ahem—do not be fooled by ‘enriched’ bread products; ‘enriched’ is a load of hooey, usually chemical and unnatural.

All kinds of crusty bread work well—baguettes, ciabatta, sour or sweet batards, even old plain bagels.  So, if I’m not pregnant and on intense carbo-load (which I am—on both counts), there’s usually some bread left over.  What’s an Obscure lass to do?  When life gives you bread, make croutons!  If you haven’t the time to slice and toast seasoned bread cubes (it only takes about 20 minutes, and half that is cooking time; but I understand that sometimes those precious minutes are hard to find) then wrap your leftover bread in a plastic bag or plastic wrap.  It will still be soft enough to slice, though a bit chewier than its fresh self.

When you’ve got the time for making the most delicious croutons in the world (the restaurant and store-bought ones will shudder in inferiority) then first turn the oven on to 450 degrees.  This is important—the oven should be hot, hence the pre-heat instructions on most recipes.  A good, sharp bread knife is essential, and worth the expense, because the crust can begin to get a bit tough and rubbery after a couple days wrapped in plastic.

Other ingredients you’ll need:

• 2-3 gloves garlic, chopped in half
• Olive oil
• Handful of herbs—all or a few of the following: rosemary, oregano, basil, parsley, thyme.
  

Begin by slicing your bread and then cutting it into bite-size chunks.  Layer the chunks in a single layer along the bottom of a rimmed cookie sheet, brownie pan, roasting pan, or whatever you’ve got that has a rim.  Use whatever size you need, based on the amount of leftover bread you’ve got.

Don’t use a flat cookie sheet, because if the oil runs off the edge, it could set your oven on fire.  I speak from experience, and Ms. Obscure would like to help you learn from her mistakes.
Once you’ve got your pile of bread cubes, coarsely chop your herbs and sprinkle them over the top.  Scatter your chopped garlic and shake it all around a bit.  Then drizzle your olive oil on top, trying to get a little bit on each piece of bread.

This is actually quite a bit of oil, but don’t worry about that.  Olive oil is a ‘good fat’ and croutons on salad were not meant for stingy calorie counters.

Shake the whole mixture around a bit more and then pop it into your hot oven for about 10 minutes, or until most of the pieces are light brown.  Stir the bread as needed after 7 minutes or rotate the whole pan and bake for the remaining few minutes.  Ideally, your croutons should be golden brown, crunchy on the outside and give a little in the middle.  Discard the biggest chunks of herbs, and if you don’t like roasted garlic (are you crazy?!… okay, just kidding.  Different strokes, etc.) then chuck those, too.  Store in an air-tight container and use liberally on salad.  Be sure to sample a few when they’re warm, too.  No, seriously, just a few—you do want to leave a few for your salads.

Ciao and chow!
Ms. D

Sexy Valentine’s Movies and Food for a Night In

Or how the Destitute get romantic without being boring or broke.
Warning gentle readers:  The following post is Valentine’s Day- themed, but focuses on the more physical aspect of adult relationships—aka sex.  Be forewarned that this three-letter word appears liberally throughout the post, delving as far into the deep end as to use the word porn, though tempering it a bit here and there with the more palatable word love.  If thou thinkest you shall be offended, then check back with Lifestyles of the Destitute and Obscure in a few weeks when we shall return to the land of thrift stores and culinary craftiness.  But if you dare, read on and please allow yourself to be amused.  Kiddos, check this one with Mom and Dad; Mom and Dad (as in my parents) read on and please remember that I am an adult and well as your child. 

The calendar and American consumerism say it’s time to do something canoodling and romantic, but before you buy another dozen toxically sprayed inorganic red roses that will wilt momentarily (though Ms. D is whole-heartedly in favor of drying roses—preferably organic ones—and using them in a scattered Gypsy-era Stevie Nicks way to decorate the tops of bookshelves, bureaus and other dust-collecting spaces) make it an evening in (cheaper and no need for reservations or a babysitter) with a movie rental or two and a few well-chosen nibbles—think beyond microwave popcorn for this one.
Ms. D would also suggest for those entirely domesticated couples that everyone put in the extra effort to shave and put on a nice pair of underwear for the occasion.  But if you must be comfortable, go ahead and wear your sweats.  It is, after all, your house and your comfy hand-me-down couch.

Something to Nibble on, Besides Your Partner’s Ear

• Mixed nuts, being careful of those that cause emergency-room-visit-caliber-allergies (not romantic)
• Smoked salmon on your favorite cracker, paired with its cheap (and maybe a little bit sleazy) partner, cream cheese—a match made in heaven.  Though, do have a nice lemon or vanilla (a natural aromatic aphrodisiac) scented cloth to dispel any lingering fishy odor.
• Exotic fruits, preferably bite-size, so as to deposit them in your darling’s mouth with your slightly sticky and completely lick-able fingers.
• Splurge on a few pieces of really good chocolate—only 1 or 2 for each of you.  That’s enough.  No need to buy lots of cheap, waxy chocolate; it will only make you feel ill.  Spend just a few dollars and get a few pieces of the good stuff.
• A glass of wine each.  This is not for drunken, lower-her-inhibitions purposes.  This is to savor, share with your partner and go with the chocolate.  Choose red or white or bubbly to suit your tastes, or go with a slightly smaller glass of you favorite quality liquor.  Remember, this is a special occasion, not a drunken orgy.  Thank you for hearing this public service announcement—now we move on.

Valentine’s Flicks to Spark and Smolder

This is not a list of romantic comedies, which in my opinion do nothing but inspire women to demand silly public displays of devotion and testosterone-fizzling pillow-talk.  Neither is it a list gleaned from the pages of Maxim, Playboy or Penthouse—this is not a list of ‘Best Sex Scenes in a Movie.’  I watched a few of those and was disturbed that many of the movies were meant to be disturbing/psycho-thrillers.  And so, I propose a middle ground: sexy movies that have romantic elements and require most of the actresses (and actors—this is an equal-opportunity flesh-fest) to be mostly naked.  There are sex scenes; there are no scenes of Meg Ryan weeping.  Men and women alike should enjoy most of these movies, and hopefully find them inspiring.  Because, really, does a box of chocolates in a frilly box make you want to jump into bed with someone?  No, but time spent together, enjoying a bit of culture can be the start (or the re-start, or the continual ignition) to something wonderful.

Belle Epoque—This little flick, now almost a decade old, is directed by Fernando Trueba and stars Penelope Cruz when she was practically a girl.  It is a stunning romantic caper set in Spain.  Yes, you will have to read the subtitles.  A young soldier finds himself stranded in a small town, and befriends a local man while waiting for his train.  Upon hearing that the local has four daughters, the soldier ‘accidentally’ misses his train, therefore depending upon the older man’s kindness and hospitality.  Naturally, all four daughters are gorgeous in their own way, with Cruz playing the youngest.  The escapades that follow are both sexy and humorous, with enough of a central plotline and amusing peripheral characters to keep it from slipping into silly soft-core.  Plus, it’s all in Spanish, which keeps it just above cheesy, or at least an exotic imported cheese rather than American ‘cheese’ (which really isn’t cheese at all, but a highly processed dairy product).

The Lover— If you want a steamy locale and can handle a bit of French-styled forays toward the sexual exploits of the young that don’t quite dip into pedophilia, then watch this delicious and sexy story of the affair of a young French girl and a Chinese man that takes place in colonial Vietnam.  The movie is based on the book of the same name by Marguerite Duras.  Go ahead and read the book, too, which is still steamy, but melancholic and wrapped in that mysterious and sometimes incongruous French je ne sais quoi.  But for a two-hour foreplay-seduction-by-celluloid, watch the movie.  The setting is a little bit exotic, but always just a little bit raw and dirty (in both the literal and figurative sense) and the costuming is simple but alluring.  I love a man in a linen suit and I myself would love to look as beguiling in a simple tea-dyed shift, braids and a fedora.  Jane March would look only like a school girl if it weren’t for the red-stained lips of her sulky smile.

Crazy, Stupid, Love— Yes, it’s American, yes it’s cheesy and processed.  But it is funny for both men and women.  There is just enough of Julianne Moore’s legs and plenty of Ryan Gosling’s chest (swoon) to make it sexy and there’s a whole lotta love going around in strange directions.  It’s not R-rated (PG-13, but probably not one for the kiddos) and a smart romantic comedy, without getting into Woody Allen-wackiness territory if that’s not your thing.  Think of it as a chocolate milk-type movie—sweet, smooth going down and sits comfortably in your stomach (unless of course, you’re lactose intolerant, but we don’t need to delve into the depths of that analogy).

Porn Star: The legend of Ron Jeremy— If you don’t mind a bit of porn, with high levels of humor and a whole lotta heart, this is a great film.  Yes, there’s pornography; they’re not just sex scenes.  But I stand by this film as worth watching and not just full of closet-sex-addict-porn outtakes.  Ron Jeremy, an adult film icon, is gifted with a few natural talents that make him perfect for his job—not the least of which is a sense of humor and playfulness in an industry that would do well not to take itself too seriously.  This porn-star wears his heart on his sleeve, which doesn’t exactly make him romantic (or even particularly attractive, though usually that is the job of his female counterpart) but it makes him wonderfully human and he is, in many ways, eager to please.  Ron Jeremy even dabbles in Hollywood— ‘real acting’— movies in an effort to become just a little bit more legit.  But he does his current job so well and with so much a genuine heart, which is next-to-non-existent in the porn industry, that he has become a legend in his field— if not necessarily a movie star.

Vicky, Cristina, Barcelona— Okay, so sometimes Woody Allen can be sexy.  I don’t mean him personally, unless you’re into that much-older-man thing, and I don’t intend to go there.  This one pairs nicely with Belle Epoque, getting to see Penelope Cruz mature— and go crazy—in an entirely beguiling and sexy way.  Scarlett Johannson  is cute, sexy and pouty in that wonderful way that only a naïve, idealistic American college student can be while travelling in Europe.  Javier Bardem gives us a lovely flavor of rugged, older Spanish man, speaking in poetry and smoky stares.  And you can’t go wrong with Mediterranean sunshine on red-tile roofs, especially if yours is currently covered in snow.

There’s my list.  Snuggle, partake, be inspired and feel the love.  Then share the love and send me your favorite list of Valentine’s movies—to be viewed any and all times of the year.  Though be warned, I may suddenly become deaf/blind to any Meg Ryan/Julia Roberts romantic comedies, and shame on you if you glean yours from Maxim.

Love and hugs,
Ms. D

Hearts photo by: Salvatore Vuono

Chicken Broccoli Casserole– Frugal Midwestern Fare

I’d like to introduce you all to… (drum roll, please!) our first guest blogger here on Lifestyles– Andrea!  (imagine large round of applause here)  Andrea is a wife, mother of two, and writer extrodinaire.  She has just finished her first book of non-fiction and is currently working through the editing process (ugh.)  She’s moonlighting here as good old-fashioned Midwestern girl, no-nonsense cook and clever lass.  Please welcome Andrea to Lifestyles of the Destitute and Obscure and enjoy her recipe!
 California is not a casserole state.  In this temperate climate, people crave lighter fare, the kind that you can eat before going for a 5 mile jog.   Back in the Midwest where I am from, casseroles are a food group.  You can find recipes for them in any church or Junior League cookbook.  They all contain at least 2 cans of cream soup, a stick of butter, and some rice or noodles to soak everything in.
My favorite recipe is for chicken broccoli casserole.  It is the only recipe with more than three ingredients that I know by heart.  I’ve made it for boyfriends, new moms, new neighbors, and myself on rainy cold days.   It’s satisfaction in a warm rectangular dish.  Actually, it offers more than satisfaction…it’s a promise.  A promise of being warmed, fed and satisfied.

I think chicken broccoli casserole is a nostalgic experience too.  Chicken broccoli casserole is a throwback to a time when people didn’t watch what they ate so carefully.  Although I am a healthy eater and even a health nut at times, I am jealous of my grandmother, who could feed her children brownies as an after school snack and be considered a good mom.  Give your children cookies after school now and you either need to apologize for it or hide it completely.

Chicken broccoli casserole isn’t vegan, vegetarian, or low carbohydrate, so I feel a little like I’m rebelling when I eat it (and I like rebelling).  There are enough ingredients in it for people to disapprove of without shortening my life span.  Yet it can also turn vegetable nay-sayers into vegetable lovers.  My mother-in-law once made it for her cousin, a veteran gambler who once drove right past the Grand Canyon without looking at it in order to get to a casino.  He now says it is the only way he’ll eat broccoli.
You can actually turn this dish vegetarian simply by leaving out the chicken (or make half of each if you have a mixed crowd of meat eaters and non-meat eaters).  The remaining broccoli, rice, sauce and cheese topping are quite good on their own.  My cousin once married a vegetarian, and my mother and aunt threw her a wedding shower, for which they primly decided to serve barbecued beef as the entrée.  “Being a vegetarian is nonsense, we’re not making any special effort here” my mom said.  I felt bad for Carrie, and made her my chicken broccoli casserole, sans chicken of course.  “Thank you so much,” she whispered to me later.  “If it wasn’t for you, I would have only had bread and Jell-o to eat.”

Like Jell-o, chicken broccoli casserole is not hip.  It is not the kind of thing you bring to a party in the city.  It might offend people who have sworn off most of its ingredients, or people who are used to restaurants in Napa.  Sometimes I think that in the search for answers to the big questions (What is my purpose?  Why are we here?) people respond with smaller absolutes, like absolute truths about what you should or shouldn’t eat.  Truth with a small t is much easier to claim than truth in caps, but is almost as difficult to prove as larger assertions.  And that is why I KNOW that chicken broccoli casserole is good for you, and you should try it.

Chicken Broccoli Casserole
4 medium-sized cooked chicken breasts (any cooked chicken will do, but poached is ideal because it comes out tender and juicy)
2 bunches of broccoli
½ cup (or more) shredded cheddar cheese (much better if you shred it yourself rather than purchasing “pre-shredded” cheddar. and Ms. Obscure disapproves of the more expensive and less tasty “pre-shredded”.  Do the work– it’s worth it. )
2 cans cream of broccoli soup
1 cup mayonnaise
Juice from one lemon (or more, to taste)
1/2 tsp. nutmeg
1 cup Cooked rice (optional)
If using cooked rice, spread out in the bottom of a rectangular casserole pan or dish.  Steam the broccoli to crisp-tender, cut into small florets, and layer over the rice or at the bottom of the pan.  Cut or shred the chicken into small chunks, and layer over the broccoli.  Prepare the sauce by mixing the soup, mayonnaise, lemon juice, and a couple of shakes of nutmeg, and pour over the other ingredients in the pan.  Spread the shredded cheddar** evenly over the top.  Sprinkle breadcrumbs over the cheddar, and bake in a 350 oven for about ½ hour – casserole should be hot in the center.
After the casserole is baked, be careful to let some of the crispy cheddar cheese stick to the casserole pan as you serve out the portions.  It’s almost like candy for the cook– those greasy, crispy globs of cheddar.  Don’t let anyone else see you, or you will have to share.

Note: Ms. Destitute realizes that the picture of the soup cans (think Andy Warhol goes to Illinois) is of Cream of Mushroom soup, not the Cream of Broccoli called for in Andrea’s recipe.  Follow her recipe first.  But I’ll just bet that the Cream of Mushroom would be delicious, too.  Ms. D takes all the credit for the mix-up, but asks to be excused, as she felt rather conspicuous taking pictures in the soup and coffee aisle of the grocery store while her preschooler rolled about on the linoleum floor.  Thanks for the support!  Cioa and chow!  

Anthropologie Blanket Do-it-yourself

Or, how the obscure make their homes look chic for lots less.

When I received the Anthropologie catalog in the mail last winter and saw this gem draped around the model’s shoulders, my first thought was, ‘Wow, that’s beautiful!’ (Which isn’t that rare an occurrence when the Anthropologie catalog arrives.) Then my next immediate thought was, ‘Wait, I can make that!’  (Which I don’t think all that often—okay, pretty much never.)  So I decided to give it a shot.
If you follow ‘Dancing With the Stars,’ ‘X-Factor,’ ‘American Idol,’ or ‘Survivor’ (don’t worry, you needn’t identify yourself) or any other show that means you must be glued to your television for at least an hour a week and then be able to contribute in an informed manner when it’s discussed on Facebook, then YOU can make an afghan like this one.
Here’s what you’ll need:

• a crochet hook in size G- aka 4.5mm
• Yarn, and lots of it—in all the colors shown, with similar thicknesses (don’t go for really thin yarns like baby blanket stuff) and be sure to grab a couple with an interesting texture (but stay away from ‘eyelash’ or feathery yarn—again, too thin and also kind of quirky)
• Be sure to get 2-3 skeins of your bright orange, the lime green, and the gold/yellow, as well as a purple or mauve.  The yellow or the blue may need a fourth skein in order to make the tassels, depending on the size of the skeins.  The other colors you can choose to match or be in some way similar to the photo.  Use the one below to see all the colors.
  To keep the price down, if you don’t need multiple skeins of the same color, buy remnant or sale yarn.  I bought a few nice wool blends and several cheaper acrylic skeins as well.  You can also hit up your crafty friends and relatives for their leftover yarn and probably score a few great colors—don’t worry about it ‘matching’ the Anthropologie blanket—it’s the idea that we’re after here, not a complete copycat.

The technique:
Learn to crochet a double crochet stitch, after you’ve learned to chain.   Start by chaining enough stitches to ‘cover’ your lap across—this will be the width of your blanket, roughly.  Don’t overestimate, though—the original chain will stretch and grow wider as your blanket grows.

Get to work!  Stitch away during the whole season of your show, making stripes of all your different colors, and occasionally repeating a color every so often.  Make some stripes wider than others and add/double up two colors in the middle of the stripe here and there for some extra charm.
When you’ve made it to the end (whew!) you’ll need to make tassels.
To make a tassel:
Cut lengths of your tassel color just over double the desired length of the tassel, then do it over and over (ad naseum) until you’ve got enough to put tassels on the top and bottom edge of your afghan.

Loop the yarn length (or combination of yarn lengths, as shown) double and insert through the first row of holes in the end of the afghan.
Insert the ends through the loop, as shown, and pull tight.

Note: Make sure that your tassels are evenly distributed along the edge of the afghan, and that you insert your loops of yarn from the same side every time for a consistent look.
Drape it on the back of your vintage velvet loveseat or that eighties sectional that you can’t afford to get rid of but desperately needs an update.
Be warm and cozy… and stylish, too.

Times are lean.

I don’t know where the money is going to come from to cover the cost of the $50 humidifier.  I don’t know why it is that Comcast decided to wait until now to charge us for the month of July and thus double our internet bill.  I don’t know how I’m going to pay rent and buy enough food for my family without continuing to drain our ever-dwindling ‘emergency’ savings.  Though perhaps the brink of starvation would be an emergency.  Fortunately we’re not there yet.
I find myself hoping that my co-worker in dance will continue to have knee problems that keep her out of the restaurant and myself in business.  I don’t wish her ill, per se— it’s just that I need the money.
We’re eating lots of beans and rice.  And soup— frozen from more prosperous times.  I’m using the internet double-time to make it double-worth-it.  My knitting projects consist of scraps leftover from previous blankets and scarves.  I intend to use my child’s free Halloween candy for meals… okay, not really, but I wish they had been handing out fresh fruit and vegetables or maybe a loaf of bread and ½ dozen eggs at the mall.
I feel fortunate to be able to pull random things from a bag of donated Gymboree seconds, and it looks like my child will have enough shirts and socks to get through the winter.  I’m not sure where we’ll get the money for a winter coat.  Fortunately, it’s still warm outside and California winters are usually pretty mild.  My husband and I desperately need socks (and socks from here would be nice, but that may be in a richer, though probably no less obscure time… if you have the money, ahem, these socks rock… but I digress)   but again, the continued warmth means we’re still in sandals most of the time.
So what am I doing besides rockin’ it like Bon Jovi and ‘Livin’ on a Prayer’?
Soup works, despite the warm weather.  We walk most places and I use the library’s snail-pace internet for school when I can’t spring for the $1.80 that a cup of Peet’s coffee and an hour of wi-fi will get me.
I discovered H&M for kids, which is not only inexpensive and less cheap than Target, but also not made in China.  Which means I can still have my standards when I’m poor.  We managed a preschooler’s birthday party on about $100, including food and cupcakes for kids and adults alike.  I nixed the goody-bag idea because most of that crap is from China and breaks about an hour after it gets home.  Then it sits around the house for three months before it gets put into the trash and on to the landfill.  So I sent them home with a balloon (minimal waste, though admittedly momentary fun) and a self-decorated pumpkin (edible if you choose, but definitely compostable).
We will entertain on rainy days with videos from the library and homemade play-dough—see recipe below.  The last of the home improvement and decorating ideas have been put on hold, but before we put up storage shelves in the kitchen, we have to make sure water doesn’t drip down the inside of the wall during the rain… again.  So I guess it’s a blessing that we didn’t get those shelves up before last month’s momentary deluge.
I’ve entering the big, bad, wild world of ebay (anybody want a nearly new fluffy green bathrobe?), and managed to sell a few Anthropologie items from my days of being a stylish employee, and maybe a few more.  That money will hopefully put a dent, or at the very least a scratch, in my rising credit card bill.  That said, my credit card debt is nothing like the national average, and I console myself with this thought and at the same time practice iron-clad self-control to keep it from getting there.
Next, there will be serious research into scholarships for poor and stylish library students, as well as the great cesspool of paperwork that entails getting on the waiting list for subsidized housing.

Barring all that, perhaps we’ll camp out in the city square and take up residence at one of the Occupy Wall Street protests.
Anybody got a tent we can borrow?

Homemade Play-Dough
(good, cheap fun to make and play with, and if it goes in their mouths, at least you know what they’re eating)

1cup flour
½ cup salt
2 teaspoons cream of tartar (it’s in the spice section, in case you didn’t know)
1 Tablespoon oil (use the cheapest kind you’ve got—this ain’t gourmet cooking)
1cup water
food coloring of your choice

Mix all your ingredients together in a metal bowl (see directions below as to why it needs to be metal) and add the food coloring a little bit at a time to get the desired color, noting that when it cools, the color will be darker.
Now fashion yourself a double boiler with a saucepan filled about 3-4 inches with water, your metal mixing bowl tucked on top so it gets nice and warm, and a trusty spoon.
Heat on medium and stir the mixture frequently until the mixture really begins to stick to the bowl and balls up as you stir.  It’ll get a little bit tricky, but stir for another minute, and then scrape the play-dough out onto a piece of wax paper and let cool.
It’ll be a little sticky for the first round of creating, but when you’re done, wrap it tightly in plastic cling wrap and tuck it in the fridge.  Next time around, it’ll be cool and smooth and perfect for imaginative little minds… as well as your kids.
Hangin’ in there, over and out,
Ms. D